sennebec (sennebec) wrote,

A Pleasant Morning Addiction and Gray Sundays

I'm working through a couple dilemmas in my head. First off, I'm realizing that while I've spent a lot of time worrying about the financial aspect of retirement, I better process the psychological end as well before pulling the plug. I've been remembering something an old friend and co-worker at AMHI once said while we were duck hunting up in the County. He looked at me and said, "there are times when I'm not working, that I don't know who I am." Ceasing to be the Hartland librarian is a mind shift I need to be at peace with before I leave the position. I've caught myself being irritable on the job recently and suspect that's part of the processing. Waking up every morning with no set agenda is a double-edged sword, appealing at first thought, terrifying at other times. Given the amount of things I do that aren't necessarily work-related, I should not lack for things to keep me busy, but I need to get my entire mind to that point if I want to be comfortable.
I'm starting to work through the mental preparations already. I looked at the TBR pile behind the door and realized it was growing at an alarming rate. In fact, it's taller than the bureau beside it and the overflow lies by my side of the bed. I decided it would kill two birds, so to speak if I made a conscious decision to sit and read for 3-4 hours several times a week. That was fueled by my need to finish reading the 5 YA Edgar nominees so I could make my prediction on the Maine Crime Writer's Blog. I did that yesterday and have read two more books since, finishing one yesterday morning, another today. Daughter Lisa and I have both committed to trying to read 100 books in 2013. I started slowly, but the pace is picking up. I'm listing what I've read so far below in case anyone is curious.
Dilemma #2 is deciding exactly what sort of writer I am. Every time I consider how much energy it takes to market a book, I freeze. Part of that dilemma is personality driven. I'm much happier working anonymously, behind the scenes, so to speak, when it comes to getting things done and marketing is the antithesis of that. Do I give my five unpublished books a serious polish, publish them as ebooks, sell a very few of each and die happy? That dilemma tends to freeze my brain, sending me back to being more of a blogger/columnist/short story writer, than full book author. For the moment, that dilemma remains unresolved.

Of course the flip side of both of these dilemmas is that I'm extremely fortunate to have them. I see a lot of people every day who are in such tight financial straits that retirement isn't even on their horizon, or if it is, it's a pretty bleak one. The same goes for the writing bedevilment. I talk to people several times every week who would love to be able to write anything and see it in print, let alone bemoan the unpublished state of 5 books.
As to the retirement time management issue, today is a perfect example of why I shouldn't be worries. I got up at 7:15, finished a book, started this blog, read an email newsletter that reminded me today was the last day to enter the Red Team/Blue Team YA Scavenger Hunt (completed both, then ordered 6 books soon to be published by some of the bloggers), chatted at length with Beth's uncle and still have the lawn to rake which was #1 on my list of things needing attention today. Guess I need not worry so much, eh? Now the book list.
1-The Wrath of Angels / John Connolly
2-If I Lie / Corrine Jackson
3-Cursed / Jennifer Armentrout
4-Hurt / Travis Thrasher
5-Perception-Kim Harrington
6-Clarity-Kim Harrington
7-The Dead and Buried-Kim Harrington
8-Opal-Jennifer Armintrout
9-Waiting-Carol Lynch Williams
10-Dear Cassie Lisa Burstein
11-The waiting Sky /Lara Zielin
12-Bad Hair Day-Carrie Harris
13-Home Run-Travis Thrasher
14-The Edge of Nowhere-Elizabeth George
15-The Whistling Season-Ivan Doig
16-If You Find Me-Emily Murdoch
17-Emily's Dress and Other Missing Things-Kate Burak
18-Amelia Anne is dead and gone / Kat Rosenfield
19-My Life from Air-Bras to Zits-Barbara Haworth-Attard
20-Count Me In-Sara Leach
21-This is What Happy Looks Like-Jennifer Smith
22-Code Name Verity-Elizabeth Wein
23-Stung-Bethany Wiggins
Tags: edgar awards, hartland public library, retirement, young adult fiction

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